The Purest Place

This is a truth I have gradually come to know over the past few months. Upon creation, we were made in His image, and therefore the Lord placed innate desires in our hearts. The desire to love and be loved. The desire to commune with others- to build and treasure relationships. We were made to seek.

The idea of being made in someone's image, what does it mean? As a young girl, I remember thinking of God as a person. To be made in his image meant the same shape, the same anatomical structure. Yet, this was inconsistent with the description of God I encountered as I became older and more educated. What did it mean?

I don't remember when I first understood, but since that moment, my life has never been the same. Because when you realize how you were made, you realize why you were made. I came to understand that when God made us with hands, it was not because he has hands, but because he creates. He made us with hearts and emotions not because he simply possesses these attributes but because he loves. We were made like him because were made for him.

In the same way the innate sense that we were made for something and for someone. The lifelong search for "the one" and fulfillment.

Painfully, I see others hopelessly searching and trying to fill their days with enough distractions to con themselves into ignorance.

All the while, I've found it.

Rest, peace, joy, and contentment.

And while the world rushes in around me at times to flood my mind and I forget, this is the reason I was made. If I never find love, if I spend my life working tirelessly, and never acquire fortune or fame, I have found all I need.

Life seems rough sometimes, but to look in the mirror of my image and see some semblance of Christ, I am filled with joy.

And it's two weeks before finals. I have three exams this coming week and finish with four the next. I am learning over and over that He is the giver of peace.

Watermark, "The Purest Place"

Some Sweet Days

Today, I took a break. Some days are so interestingly different from the fast, mechanical pace my life normally takes.

Today, I saw sunshine, grass, and family. I played guitar, and wrote new lyrics.

Tonight, I am studying but I am thankful for some days like these.

Perfection

Amazed again today by how perfectly the Lord speaks into my situation. I have been dreading these next two days for the past two weeks. My prayer has been one that pleads for the faith to understand that God has given me the exact time to complete the tasks that He has willed for me to complete. No more. No less. I know this, but I fail to remember the truth so often. That is why He gave me this tonight:

Running the Course
Author: Elisabeth Elliot

Today there are just too many things to do. My natural response is to fret and fear. Both are forbidden: Fret not. Fear not. That tells me what not to do. What, then, should I do?
"I will run the course set out in thy commandments, for they gladden my heart'' (Ps 119:32 NEB).
There will be both time and strength today to run that course, for it is always possible to do the will of God. The course He sets for us in his commandments is not an obstacle course, but one carefully planned to suit our qualifications--that is, not too rigorous for our limitations, not too lenient for our strengths.

The plan of God for me, for this one day, is meant not to trouble but to gladden my heart. Christ's yoke, according to his own promise, is not hard but easy--if we bear it together with Him and if we bear it as Christ bore it, in meekness and lowliness of heart.

"We must run with resolution the race for which we are entered, our eyes fixed on Jesus, on whom faith depends from start to finish" (Heb 12:2 NEB).

And I am amazed at His tenderness towards my weaknesses. I am trying to obey, and He will accomplish the rest in me.

Thank you, Jesus.

Amen.

He Satisfies

This week is a busy one, but over the past few days I have discovered this passage with new eyes. This passage is an answer to my post, "Hungry."


Psalm 107: 4-9


⁴ Some wandered in desert wastelands, 
   finding no way to a city where they could settle. 
⁵ They were hungry and thirsty, 
   and their lives ebbed away. 
⁶ Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble, 
   and he delivered them from their distress. 
⁷ He led them by a straight way 
   to a city where they could settle. 
⁸ Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love 
   and his wonderful deeds for mankind, 
⁹ for he satisfies the thirsty 
   and fills the hungry with good things


Amen.

Expression

This semester, I'm taking an Intro to Fine Arts course. Though my mind is often immersed in the practice of logic, reasoning, and problem solving due to hours of organic chemistry and anatomy & physiology, I am discovering the other side of my brain (I'm convinced right brain powers are employed heavily in organic, but that's beside the point). I'm starting to see the possibilities within this new world. I'm beginning to understand the emotion and understanding- the profound mode of expression that is a work of art.

Last week, our class took an across campus field trip to the art gallery. The event inspired the expectation of amusement, but I came away with much more. When I first entered the gallery, I glanced at the works hanging on the walls. I had never took the time to enter the gallery before, despite walking by countless times in nearly two years. On that note, I crossed the threshold, with a touch sheepishness. After a general assessment of the room,  a large, predominantly cerulean painting captured my attention. Drawing closer, I noticed a few chemical elements featured in the various hues. A closer look, and I recognized them as the noble gases. My interest was piqued. The title of the work? "Elemental Nobility."

I stood blankly for a moment.

"Elemental Nobility" - John Payne  http://www.artbyjohnlpayne.blogspot.com/2011/02/elemental-nobility.html   

Art and science?

The thought had crossed my mind before, but this time it stayed. A discipline of logic and hard-learned facts coupled with... this? Unbeknownst to the casual observer. This painting was making a statement, and I understood it. Not necessarily the association the artist intended, but something far more profound impressed my mind. Art is the expression of the self that lies beneath. Art is the thoughts and emotions which have no voice. They exist as shifting, undefinable forces. Sometimes I sit down with my guitar and these forces find their voice. However, lately, this approach has proved ineffective. When I know so little about what I am trying to express, thoughts and words fail to formulate. Still, the urge to create presses from inside.

For years, I have left my paints untouched. Although I enjoyed discovering the art when I was younger, my pursuit of perfectionism and somewhat unfounded dedication to time-effectiveness caused me to abandon any attempts at renewing my interest. After last week, these thoughts have continued to return to me. Just because I spent my evening contemplating the aromatic characteristics of heterocyclic compounds doesn't mean no capacity for creativity exists in my brain. With this idea that art can be an expression of the heart and mind, art seems very different. Maybe in time, art can become the medium that allows my own musings to take form, to speak, and blessedly, to escape. The idea is still outside my comfort zone, but I'm ready to try.

Hungry

A recent lesson from my walk is contentment. There are many things I am inexpressibly thankful for: salvation, my family, my education, my friends, the country I live in. However, I often find myself dissatisfied with my circumstances. With overwhelming tenacity, my mind seems to focus on the things I lack. In the face of my greatest blessing, a close, personal relationship with my Lord, I have frequently found myself full of complaints. "Why hasn't this happened for me yet?"  I wonder. "Why is life so difficult?"

In this predicament, my fault seems glaringly obvious and my questions are exposed as silly and frivolous.

God is sovereign. The knowledge that my present circumstances are His will is enough. Like Job discovered, He answers with His character.

Yet, I find myelf asking those silly, frivolous questions again and again. And frustrated by my failure.

Over the past several months, Elisabeth Elliot has deeply impacted me with her wisdom and insight. I deeply admire her perspective and dedication to Christ. Her works have become part of my nightly routine. One particular evening, I read a chapter titled, "Help Me Not to Want So Much." Elisabeth is commenting on the struggles of living with unfulfilled desires.

Whatever the desire may be, for meaningful work, family, friendship, good, worthy things, there are sometimes when He chooses not to give us these gifts we hunger after.

Why God seems to leave us with these "hunger pains"?

This question has inhabited the forefront of my mind for months. I was trying to live and trust in His sovereignty, but longing for an answer. And He gave it to me in this statement:

"While they craved for the food they had in Egypt, God gave them manna. Manna was supernatural food, miraculously provided, and it was all they needed. But even a miracle did not stop the wanting of leeks, onions, garlic, watermelons, and fish. If He had given them what they naturally craved, they would never have learned to ear manna, they would never have acquired a taste for the bread which came down from heaven. God made them hungry on purpose - in order to humble and test them, to discover whether it was in their hearts to obey Him, and to teach them what was far more important that leeks and onions: that man does not live by those thing alone, but by the Word of the Lord... He harrows our souls, making us long for something we cannot have, in order to reveal to us what He wants us to have, which in the long run is far better."

- Elisabeth Elliot, The Path of Loneliness, "Help Me Not to Want So Much"

By allowing us to grapple with things we wish for but can't have, He teaches us to satisfy ourselves with continual trust and surrender to His will. I'm learning this lesson. I'm in a process. There are still things I wish for, things I pray desperately for, but my satisfaction doesn't lie with the fulfillment of earthly desires. He is teaching me to hide myself in Him with a closeness and intimacy I never could achieve otherwise. In this light, the lessons don't seem quite as difficult.  

And suddenly, hunger seems palatable.

Heaven's Eyes

In the past few months, the Lord has taught me many lessons. Although the applications of these lessons touch very different aspects of my life, the theme remains constant. Over and over in my mind, I wrestle with this simple word: love. For so long, I thought I knew what this word meant.

In a moment, I realize, I categorize love.


 

The love I have for...

my Savior: appreciative, respectful, dependent.

my family: soft, close, strong.

my friends: loyal, empathetic.

learning: eager, tenacious.

I'm learning what love really means. I am learning to conform my image to His. This is a soul-breaking lesson. Through the process, I have been broken. As my knowledge of Him increases, I am shown the weaknesses in myself. Again and again, the Lord picks up my pieces, He binds my wounds, and I heal. I become stronger. I become more like Him.

It is a lesson of complete transformation. I discover it's much like pulling a loose thread. The fabric frays and reveals an underlying network, much more extensive than ever imagined. His love touches everything and holds it together. With each new trial of learning God's character, I see His love spread to every corner of my being.

When learning a new concept, I like to puzzle out the inner workings. I observe them from every possible angle. Likewise, as spiritual matters impress me, I cope by writing my thoughts in a prayer journal. The following thoughts are my humble and desperate attempt at comprehending this teaching. Love is a lesson beyond encompassment, but the Lord is stretching me and although there is pain, it does not harm.

Love is not an emotion. Love is an anti-emotion. Love compels you to act in spite of your emotions. When your heart cries one word, love speaks another. Love is more. In spite of all emotions, love is able to impart strength and peace.

What is this love I speak of? How can it be defined?

Years ago, I defined love with one word: sacrifice. The nature of God is love. His love was shown in the sacrifice of His only Son. Selfless sacrifice. As His image-bearers, we are called to possess and express this virtue. As I grow older, I understand more and more what is required of me. The feat is impossible. In the course of a day, I can think of all the ways I express selfishness instead of love. In pursuit of His perfection, I have found myself discouraged with humanity. Where is hope when so much is asked and so little achieved?

As I sat reading one night, I was given an answer. Ridiculous as it sounds, I have always looked on the phenomenom of being "in love" with disdain. While others may laugh at the silliness produced, I found nothing amusing in a state which produces irrational thought. Surely the fact that your beloved is a real person, completely human, with faults and flaws should be consciously overlooked, but to be ignorant and unaware?

In the midst of my grumblings, Elisabeth Elliot expressed this thought which has changed my perspective forever.

This "blindness" to faults and flaws of the beloved is a moment when we are given Heaven's Eyes. The image revealed is that of who this person was created to be in their most beautiful, perfect form. We are allowed, for a moment, to see that person as God created them to be. We see them as he sees them.

Although I will never attain practicing perfect love, He does not count it against me. He does not see my flaws and failures when He gazes upon His beloved creation. He sees me as I was meant to be. He sees me as beautiful and perfect. He sees me with Heaven's Eyes.