Hungry

A recent lesson from my walk is contentment. There are many things I am inexpressibly thankful for: salvation, my family, my education, my friends, the country I live in. However, I often find myself dissatisfied with my circumstances. With overwhelming tenacity, my mind seems to focus on the things I lack. In the face of my greatest blessing, a close, personal relationship with my Lord, I have frequently found myself full of complaints. "Why hasn't this happened for me yet?"  I wonder. "Why is life so difficult?"

In this predicament, my fault seems glaringly obvious and my questions are exposed as silly and frivolous.

God is sovereign. The knowledge that my present circumstances are His will is enough. Like Job discovered, He answers with His character.

Yet, I find myelf asking those silly, frivolous questions again and again. And frustrated by my failure.

Over the past several months, Elisabeth Elliot has deeply impacted me with her wisdom and insight. I deeply admire her perspective and dedication to Christ. Her works have become part of my nightly routine. One particular evening, I read a chapter titled, "Help Me Not to Want So Much." Elisabeth is commenting on the struggles of living with unfulfilled desires.

Whatever the desire may be, for meaningful work, family, friendship, good, worthy things, there are sometimes when He chooses not to give us these gifts we hunger after.

Why God seems to leave us with these "hunger pains"?

This question has inhabited the forefront of my mind for months. I was trying to live and trust in His sovereignty, but longing for an answer. And He gave it to me in this statement:

"While they craved for the food they had in Egypt, God gave them manna. Manna was supernatural food, miraculously provided, and it was all they needed. But even a miracle did not stop the wanting of leeks, onions, garlic, watermelons, and fish. If He had given them what they naturally craved, they would never have learned to ear manna, they would never have acquired a taste for the bread which came down from heaven. God made them hungry on purpose - in order to humble and test them, to discover whether it was in their hearts to obey Him, and to teach them what was far more important that leeks and onions: that man does not live by those thing alone, but by the Word of the Lord... He harrows our souls, making us long for something we cannot have, in order to reveal to us what He wants us to have, which in the long run is far better."

- Elisabeth Elliot, The Path of Loneliness, "Help Me Not to Want So Much"

By allowing us to grapple with things we wish for but can't have, He teaches us to satisfy ourselves with continual trust and surrender to His will. I'm learning this lesson. I'm in a process. There are still things I wish for, things I pray desperately for, but my satisfaction doesn't lie with the fulfillment of earthly desires. He is teaching me to hide myself in Him with a closeness and intimacy I never could achieve otherwise. In this light, the lessons don't seem quite as difficult.  

And suddenly, hunger seems palatable.